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Every Life Has Invisible Expenses

One of the easiest things in the world is to mistake an outcome for a story. A beautiful home. A thriving business. A failed marriage. A child in an expensive school. A forty-year-old with no savings. Someone who seems to have it all. Someone who appears to have fallen behind. We see the destination and instinctively begin filling in the journey. Hardworking. Lazy. Disciplined. Irresponsible. Lucky. Entitled. Deserving. Wasteful. Perhaps the most dangerous thing about human beings is not that we judge one another. It is how quickly we become certain that our judgment is correct. Because every life has invisible expenses. Not just financial ones. The kind that never appear on a bank statement or a résumé. Some are chosen. Some are imposed. Some are wise. Some are costly mistakes. Most are a complicated mixture of both. One person reaches middle age with very little savings because they spent years paying school fees for younger siblings. Another because they repeatedly made poor financi...
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Bad Bedside Manners, Kenyan Edition

Kenyans are known for their warmth, charm, and ability to make friends anywhere. But once we share a space, it’s like the social contract gets torn up and tossed in the bin. Whether it’s in the matatu , the office, or right in our own homes, here are the everyday crimes we’ve all seen — and maybe even committed. 1. The Loud Music DJ Why keep your music to yourself when you can share it with the whole neighborhood? These are the people who think a matatu, estate courtyard, or office is their personal club. Bonus points if the speaker is cheap and adds that fuzzy shhhhhh sound in the background. And if it’s early morning gospel before coffee? That’s a direct attack. 2. The TikTok & Reels Without Earphones Crew It’s never just one video. It’s a marathon of TikTok's , Instagram Reels , and WhatsApp statuses — all on full volume. And of course, they’ll stop midway, shove the phone in your face, and say: “Angalia hii! Hii itakufurahisha.” Now you’ve lost three minutes of your...
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Can We Live Without Wanting to Be Watched?

Some long for fame, others for quiet praise — but most of us, in some way or another, want to be seen. Not just acknowledged, but witnessed. Validated. Held in the awareness of others. It shows up in the photos we take, the statuses we draft, even in how we frame our experiences: “If no one knows I did it, did it really matter?” In today’s world — even here in Kenya, where not everyone lives online — the urge to live for the gaze of others is quietly embedded in everyday life. We plan, curate, and sometimes even feel experiences more intensely when we imagine someone else is watching. But what would life feel like if no one was? Can we truly exist without performing ourselves? 1. From Childhood Applause to Adult Validation It’s tempting to blame the usual suspects — Instagram, YouTube, influencer culture. But the craving to be seen started long before platforms. It’s planted in childhood. The child who is applauded for being clever, articulate, or entertaining. The student who shines a...
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On the Disappearance of Affection and Intimacy in Kenyan Life

"Growing up, I saw everybody else fall in love. I saw Europeans fall in love. I saw Americans continuously fall in love. But I never saw Africans fall in love. I saw Africans procreate. I saw Africans affected by HIV and AIDS, but those weren't love stories." — Wanuri Kahiu, director of Rafiki Scene from Life: A couple walks down Moi Avenue. Their clothes match—both wearing bright Ankara prints, perfectly coordinated for Instagram. But their hands do not touch. Their eyes do not meet. Their bodies move parallel but emotionally distant. A child greets their father after school with a formal handshake. A teenage boy stiffens when his mother tries to hug him in public. A man buries his wife and never cries, because "men don't cry." We see the motions of love—weddings, gifts, romantic holidays—but rarely the soul of it. Rarely the warmth, the gentleness, the pause. We see couples. We don't see connection. The Myth of Taboo Somehow, we have come to believe ...
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Parenting Ourselves: Learning to Mother and Father in Adulthood

What happens when the people who once held our hands let go—not because we no longer need love or guidance, but because we’ve been labeled “grown”? In Kenya, like in many places, turning 18 often marks an emotional cutoff. Parents, weary from years of sacrifice, begin to emotionally and practically withdraw. Culturally, there is a sense that once you hit adulthood, you must figure things out on your own. The phrase "Umeshafika miaka kumi na nane, sasa ujipange" (you’re 18 now, figure it out) is spoken half-jokingly but reflects a serious truth. But what if the work of growing up isn’t about becoming completely independent, but about learning to become your own parent? The Great Withdrawal For many Kenyan adults, parental support is replaced with silence, judgement, or pressure to "perform adulthood" successfully. Struggling? You must be lazy. Confused? You must have taken the wrong course. Depressed? You must be ungrateful. Many parents are tired. Emotionally, finan...
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The Loud Silence: Why Kenya Is Drowning in Noise—and What It's Costing Us

  “Beware the bareness of a busy life,” Socrates once said. But what about the loudness of a distracted one? From matatus blaring vulgar music, to church keshas echoing through residential estates, to restaurants where conversation is a fight against speakers—it seems Kenya has made noise the background of everyday life. But what is this obsession with sound? What is all this noise trying to drown out? Noise as Culture, But Also as Coping Let’s be clear: noise has always had a place in Kenyan culture. Luo benga, Kikuyu folk tunes, Luhya drumming, Swahili taarab… music and sound are part of celebration, spirituality, and storytelling. But what we’re experiencing now is different. What we’re hearing now is not cultural expression—it’s emotional avoidance. The Psychology of Noise: What Are We Running From? 1. Noise and Loneliness We live in a time of increasing isolation. Nairobi apartments are filled with single occupants. Friendships are transactional. Family members drift emo...
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Maybe Now It’s Time to Buy Back Time for Yourself and Your Loved Ones

They said time is money, So we sold our days To desks, deadlines, and duty. Now the clock ticks softer. The pace slows down. And we wonder— Can we afford to buy back What we gave so freely? Not to earn. Not to win. But just to live again. 1. The Paradox of Retirement in Kenya Retirement, in theory, is supposed to be a season of rest. A time to exhale. To spend mornings slowly, reconnect with loved ones, and revisit the parts of yourself that got lost in the hustle. But for many Kenyans, retirement looks like another job. We see people starting businesses immediately after leaving employment, becoming consultants, jumping into family obligations, or even relocating to their rural homes only to pick up farming or new responsibilities. Rest doesn’t feel earned—it feels guilty. Instead of enjoying time with grandkids, learning something new, or simply sitting with the self, many continue running. But what if retirement—and seasons like it—were not a signal to do more, but an invitation to ...
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What Success Looks Like In Kenya VS. What It Actually Is

If you ask most Kenyans what success looks like, you’ll get a variety of answers, but somehow, they always boil down to three things: money, cars, and land. A Toyota Prado, a ka-small ka-mansion in the village, and the ability to pepper conversations with "I was in Dubai last week"—that’s success, right? But is it really? Here’s a breakdown of what many Kenyans think success is and what real success looks like in different aspects of life. 1. SUCCESS IN FAMILY & COMMUNITY What Kenyans Think: Hosting a big wedding where people eat for three days. Being called "Baba/Mama Nani" even when your kids don’t know what you do for a living. Your family showing up at every funeral, wedding, and hospital harambee just to be seen. What It Really Is: Being present for your kids—not just paying their fees but actually knowing their teachers. Raising children who don’t just wait for your burial to start fighting over land. Being that relative people can actually call when the...
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Saturday: Kenya’s Most Valuable Asset (And Why You Should Guard It Like Your Last Born)

Saturday is not just a day; it’s an institution, a sacred ritual, a non-negotiable asset in the life of every Kenyan. It’s the one day you get to reclaim your time, your peace, your sanity, and most importantly, your future. Yet, some of you are out here trading it away like sugarcane in a traffic jam. Let’s break it down, activity by activity, and show you why sacrificing this day is a robbery—committed by either your employer or by your own bad decisions. 1. Weddings: Where Futures Are Built (Or Broken) Saturday is for weddings, and in Kenya, a wedding is not just a wedding—it’s a financial networking seminar in disguise. You’re not just eating pilau and pretending to like the bride’s gown; you’re rubbing shoulders with people who might hire you, invest in your side hustle, or introduce you to a golden opportunity. Moral of the story: That salary your employer gives you? A single handshake at a wedding could bring you a contract that triples it. But you’re here working on a Saturday...
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The Great Kenyan Home Ownership Madness: Dreams vs. Reality

Owning a home is a big dream for many Kenyans, but somewhere along the way, practicality has been thrown out the window. Too many people, driven by childhood aspirations or societal expectations, are constructing massive houses only to end up living like misers within them. Let’s break down why this trend makes little sense and what smarter, more sustainable homeownership looks like. The Harsh Reality of Owning a Big House in Kenya Many Kenyans, especially those who grew up in humble backgrounds, grew up being told to “dream big.” Unfortunately, this has translated into building unnecessarily large houses, often with rooms that remain unused, multiple verandahs gathering dust, and massive balconies that no one actually sits on. These houses cost millions to build, yet within a few years, the owners are struggling to maintain them, regretting their choices as they pour more money into renovations. If you need proof, just look at how many old houses in Nairobi remain unsold. No one wants...
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Daniel Arap Moi — The Shadow and the Shepherd: A Deep Dive into Kenya’s Second President

If Jomo Kenyatta was the founding father, Daniel Toroitich Arap Moi was the long-reigning stepfather — sometimes protective, often punitive, and almost always enigmatic. He ruled Kenya for 24 years, the longest of any president to date. To some, he was the gentle teacher, Mwalimu , who kept the nation from tearing apart. To others, he was the architect of a surveillance state, a master of patronage and fear, the man who perfected repression through calm. This is a portrait of Daniel Arap Moi — not just as a ruler, but as a man shaped by modest beginnings, colonial violence, and the hunger for order in a chaotic time. Early Life: The Boy from Sacho Daniel Arap Moi was born on September 2, 1924, in Kurieng’wo, Baringo, in Kenya’s Rift Valley. He came from the Tugen sub-group of the Kalenjin community. His father died when he was just four. Raised by his uncle, Moi’s early life was marked by hardship, discipline, and deep Christian missionary influence. He trained as a teacher at Tambach ...
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Know Thyself: The Quiet Power of Naming Your Nature

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” — Carl Jung We live in a culture that equates good intentions with goodness, and ambition with ability. But very few people in Kenya—or anywhere—truly know what they are made of. We can name our qualifications and our dreams. But ask someone their vices or virtues, and they hesitate. Worse, they lie. The Danger of Self-Unawareness In Kenya today, many of us are wandering through life making choices—big, small, and irreversible—without truly understanding who we are. We end up in jobs we despise, relationships we shouldn’t be in, or positions of influence we aren’t emotionally or ethically equipped for. And at the root of this dysfunction is a simple truth: we don’t know ourselves. This is not a spiritual or abstract dilemma. It’s a deeply practical one. To know oneself is to understand your vices, your virtues, your weaknesses, and your strengths—not in a vague sense, but in detail. Let’s ge...
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