KenyaOnAShoeString: Real Advice for Real Kenyans

When Ivy Wangechi, a promising medical student, was murdered in broad daylight by a man believed to be pursuing her romantically, the country erupted in grief—and then quickly fractured into two camps. One side mourned her death and labeled it femicide. The other asked: “But wasn’t he supporting her financially? Shouldn’t she have made her intentions clear?” This question wasn’t new. It’s the same tired refrain echoed every time a woman is killed after rejecting a man: “She took his money.” “She was leading him on.” “He was hurt.” But behind the horror and hashtags lies a bigger, more complex truth: We don’t know how to date anymore. We don’t know how to say no. We don’t know how to hear no. We don’t know what healthy courtship looks like. And dangerously, we’ve begun to mistake transaction for connection. This is Not Victim Blaming Let’s say this upfront: Nothing justifies murder. No rejection, no heartbreak, no “being used.” Violence is a choice. And women are not to blame...

We often talk about what makes relationships work: love, communication, trust, compatibility. But we rarely talk about what holds them up behind the scenes—the invisible forces that shape their rhythm, power dynamics, and emotional texture. These forces don’t show up on Instagram captions or wedding vows. They don’t get celebrated or posted. But they are there. This is what we call invisible infrastructure — the quiet, often-unspoken systems that carry the emotional, logistical, and psychological weight of a relationship. When they are healthy, they hold a relationship up. When they are imbalanced, they silently pull it down. What Is Invisible Infrastructure in Relationships? Just like cities rely on hidden systems like drainage, wiring, or internet cables, relationships also rely on behind-the-scenes labor: Emotional labor – Who checks in more? Who remembers important dates? Who notices mood shifts? Mental load – Who keeps track of plans, birthdays, family obligations? Social effor...