KenyaOnAShoeString: Real Advice for Real Kenyans

You are not as scattered as you think. You are living in a world that is deliberately designed to fracture your focus. From the moment you wake up to the moment you sleep, someone—or something—is trying to steal your attention. It’s not just on your phone. It’s in your workplace, your routines, even your efforts to rest or heal. This is not about personal failure. It’s about engineered distraction —systems built to keep us overstimulated, disconnected, and always wanting more. Let’s take a closer look at how this happens across different aspects of modern life—and what it really costs us. 1. The Internet: Where Attention Becomes Currency We often think of distraction online as a weakness—our fault for clicking too much, scrolling too long. But online spaces are designed to hijack your focus. The Architecture of Distraction Infinite scroll wasn’t invented for convenience—it was created to remove natural stopping points. Auto-play forces your hand before your brain has time...

In a society obsessed with appearances, many people end up with the wrong partners just to seem progressive, open-minded, or in love. We want to be seen as evolved enough to date outside our tribe, class, or beliefs—but we rarely stop to ask: are we truly compatible, or are we trying to prove a point? Old money families—across the world and in Kenya—have long followed a different script. Their rules might seem elitist on the surface, but beneath the surface is a web of practical, time-tested lessons about compatibility, stability, and legacy. It’s time to ask: what do they know that the rest of us ignore? Part I: The Stages of Getting to Know Someone Let’s be honest: most relationships today skip critical steps. Here’s how it should look: Observation Stage (No expectations) This is where you allow yourself to quietly watch without engaging emotionally. You learn a lot by seeing how someone treats waitstaff, how they talk about people who wronged them, or how they manage stress. In Keny...

Africa is not a country. Love is not one thing. Africa is not a country. We’ve heard this phrase used to challenge oversimplified narratives — to remind us that the continent is vast, layered, and irreducibly complex. The same, I believe, applies to love . In many homes and relationships across Kenya, “love” is treated like a catch-all. “My mum loves me. She paid my school fees.” “My dad loves us. He built the house.” “My partner loves me. They send money.” These statements are often shared with pride, and sometimes with pain — an attempt to make sense of affection that felt either too conditional, too distant, or too one-sided. But provision is not presence . Obedience is not connection . And saying “I love you” is not the same as showing up in ways that meet a person’s emotional needs. What we often call love in our culture is vague, generic, and sometimes hollow. To truly heal, connect, and grow, we must learn to name love differently — in the language of care , ...

In many Kenyan homes, love is rarely spoken. It is implied, assumed, or buried under layers of duty, discipline, sacrifice, or silence. Parents love their children, partners love each other, friends care deeply — but few say it, fewer show it boldly, and even fewer know how to receive it. Love, in this context, often feels like a secret: important but unspoken, present but repressed. It comes with caveats — be obedient, be strong, be quiet. For many, this upbringing makes the language of love feel foreign, even embarrassing. But what happens to a people who are never taught to name, receive, or offer love freely? And more importantly — how do we begin to change that? 1. The Emotional Landscape We Inherited Our cultural and generational inheritance around love is complicated. Colonial violence, economic hardship, patriarchal norms, and religious rigidity shaped how love was expressed — or not. Many parents focused on survival, not softness. Love was food on the table, school fees paid, ...

We live in a world that prizes exclusivity — not just in material goods, but in matters of the heart. From romantic relationships to best friends, we’ve built emotional territories: this one is mine, that one is yours. But what if this idea is flawed? What if human beings are wired not for emotional possession, but for layered, plural, and dynamic connections? This article explores the tension between emotional connection and exclusivity — and questions whether our current cultural expectations align with how humans actually experience closeness. 1. The Roots of Emotional Exclusivity Many of us grow up learning that love, loyalty, and intimacy must be contained. We hear things like: “You can only have one best friend.” “If you love someone, you shouldn’t need anyone else.” “Emotional cheating is still cheating.” These statements reflect a belief that deep connection is a zero-sum game: that love given elsewhere is love taken away. But the heart doesn’t function like a bank account. Con...

Somewhere along the way, friendship lost its place in our hierarchy of love. Once revered as one of life’s most sacred bonds — full of laughter, trust, grief, and growth — friendship has now become, in many people’s eyes, a placeholder. A liminal space. A waiting room for romance, or a fallback option if romantic attraction doesn’t materialize. We are overdue for a return — to honoring friendship as a complete, beautiful, and fulfilling connection in its own right. One that does not need to lead anywhere to matter. 1. What Happened to Friendship? In many cultures, including Kenya’s increasingly digital and performative spaces, emotional intimacy is now tightly bound to romance. If you're close to someone, especially of the opposite sex, it’s assumed there’s something more . We don’t trust people to love without agenda anymore. This confusion is not accidental. A few cultural and technological forces have shifted the way we view connection: Media saturation : Almost every movie, sho...

We often talk about what makes relationships work: love, communication, trust, compatibility. But we rarely talk about what holds them up behind the scenes—the invisible forces that shape their rhythm, power dynamics, and emotional texture. These forces don’t show up on Instagram captions or wedding vows. They don’t get celebrated or posted. But they are there. This is what we call invisible infrastructure — the quiet, often-unspoken systems that carry the emotional, logistical, and psychological weight of a relationship. When they are healthy, they hold a relationship up. When they are imbalanced, they silently pull it down. What Is Invisible Infrastructure in Relationships? Just like cities rely on hidden systems like drainage, wiring, or internet cables, relationships also rely on behind-the-scenes labor: Emotional labor – Who checks in more? Who remembers important dates? Who notices mood shifts? Mental load – Who keeps track of plans, birthdays, family obligations? Social effor...

Almost everything in our culture is goal-driven — including love. But what if life isn't a checklist? Step by Step — To Where? Let’s look at the common cultural script, especially around relationships: Date — but not for too long. Find “The One.” Get serious. Get married. Have children. Buy a house. Retire. Die knowing you followed the plan. Sounds… empty, right? But this is what many people are sold as a successful life . And we’ve absorbed this at such a deep level that even our emotional experiences get turned into to-do lists: “If we’ve been dating for X months, shouldn’t we…?” “We’ve had sex. What does it mean now?” “I love them — so that must mean we should be exclusive.” “We’re married — so I shouldn’t be feeling this way.” But what if the entire idea of "the next step" is the wrong framework for being alive? Where Did This Goal-Driven Mentality Come From? The obsession with goals isn’t human nature. It’s a product of syste...