Chris Brown’s song Loyal is catchy, no doubt. But listen closely to the lyrics: “When a rich man wants you, and your man can’t do nothing for you… these hoes ain’t loyal.” The entire weight of betrayal is dumped on the woman. The man who knowingly chases someone else’s partner? He is invisible, blameless, even glorified.
This narrative isn’t confined to music — it mirrors society.
The Invisible Man, the Visible Woman
Think about it: a man pursues a married woman, or a man flirts with someone in a relationship. When the story breaks, the woman is branded “unfaithful,” “cheap,” “disloyal.” Yet the man is rarely dragged into the spotlight. He is excused as “just being a man,” or worse, admired for his boldness.
In Kenya, scandals play out the same way. Side chicks become national gossip. Their faces and names are plastered everywhere. But the married men who approached them, funded them, or promised them the world? Their reputations remain intact. The blame is not shared. It is skewed.
Why Women Carry the Moral Burden
The reason is cultural. Women have been positioned as the custodians of morality — expected to resist, to say no, to carry the weight of loyalty for two people. Men, on the other hand, are socialized to see desire as natural and irresistible. If a man cheats, the woman is blamed for “not keeping him.” If a man tempts a woman, she is blamed for being weak. The cycle is endless.
The Language Problem
Notice how language works against women:
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Men are “players.” Women are “hoes.”
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Men are “adventurous.” Women are “cheap.”
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Men “sow wild oats.” Women are “spoiled goods.”
The words themselves reveal where society has placed the burden of respectability.
What This Reveals About Us
This double standard should make us uncomfortable. Why do we make women the sole guardians of fidelity while excusing men’s choices? Why do we look away when men behave irresponsibly, yet brand women for life? Why do we shame the “other woman” but never the man who created the situation?
It tells us that as a society, we are complicit. We consume music that normalizes it. We laugh at jokes that reinforce it. We gossip about women but not the men involved.
A Call for Balance
Loyalty is not a gendered responsibility. It is a choice for both men and women. A woman’s disloyalty does not exist in a vacuum — a man is part of that equation. Until we hold both parties accountable, our moral outrage will continue to be selective, shallow, and unjust.
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