KenyaOnAShoeString: Real Advice for Real Kenyans

There’s a quiet truth most people don’t talk about: women don’t automatically “soften” because of femininity or personality. They soften because of safety. A woman who feels safe with a man — emotionally, mentally, physically, even financially — will express tenderness in ways that would never surface in an unsafe environment. Safety is Not About Money Alone When we hear safety, many people immediately think of financial provision. While stability is important, it is not the whole story. A man may have money but still be unsafe — if he is unpredictable, dismissive, or emotionally cruel. True safety is layered. Emotional safety : She knows she won’t be mocked for her feelings or silenced when she’s vulnerable. Mental safety : She can share her dreams, doubts, and even failures without fear of being belittled. Physical safety : She doesn’t live in fear of anger, violence, or intimidation. Financial safety : She is not forced to constantly carry the weight of survival alone....

A neighbor once told me, “Si unajua tu I’m grateful?” And I remember standing there, trying to make sense of that sentence. Yes, I had done something for him. A small gesture. Ordered breakfast when he was having a rough time. But no message. No call. No proper acknowledgment. Nothing. He assumed I knew. I didn’t. And that relationship slowly died—because silence, even when coated with good intentions, can feel like neglect. The Kenyan Gratitude Gap I’ve lived here most of my life. I know how kind we can be. But I also know how emotionally lazy we’ve become when it comes to expressing thanks. We think gratitude is a formality. Or maybe a weakness. Or maybe we just never learned. We assume: Saying "thank you" is enough. People should know we appreciate them. Kindness doesn't need follow-up. But here's the truth: not all thank-yous are created equal . You can't say “thanks” for a life raft the same way you do for a bottle of water. Scenario ...

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” — Carl Jung We live in a culture that equates good intentions with goodness, and ambition with ability. But very few people in Kenya—or anywhere—truly know what they are made of. We can name our qualifications and our dreams. But ask someone their vices or virtues, and they hesitate. Worse, they lie. The Danger of Self-Unawareness In Kenya today, many of us are wandering through life making choices—big, small, and irreversible—without truly understanding who we are. We end up in jobs we despise, relationships we shouldn’t be in, or positions of influence we aren’t emotionally or ethically equipped for. And at the root of this dysfunction is a simple truth: we don’t know ourselves. This is not a spiritual or abstract dilemma. It’s a deeply practical one. To know oneself is to understand your vices, your virtues, your weaknesses, and your strengths—not in a vague sense, but in detail. Let’s ge...