KenyaOnAShoeString: Real Advice for Real Kenyans

Somewhere along the way, friendship lost its place in our hierarchy of love. Once revered as one of life’s most sacred bonds — full of laughter, trust, grief, and growth — friendship has now become, in many people’s eyes, a placeholder. A liminal space. A waiting room for romance, or a fallback option if romantic attraction doesn’t materialize. We are overdue for a return — to honoring friendship as a complete, beautiful, and fulfilling connection in its own right. One that does not need to lead anywhere to matter. 1. What Happened to Friendship? In many cultures, including Kenya’s increasingly digital and performative spaces, emotional intimacy is now tightly bound to romance. If you're close to someone, especially of the opposite sex, it’s assumed there’s something more . We don’t trust people to love without agenda anymore. This confusion is not accidental. A few cultural and technological forces have shifted the way we view connection: Media saturation : Almost every movie, sho...

Let’s say it happens. You — or your partner, or friend — connect with someone else. Deeply. Emotionally. Maybe even sexually. Does that automatically mean something is broken? That love has ended? That someone was fake or unfaithful or lost? Not necessarily. Connection does not cancel connection. This isn’t electricity — it’s human energy. And human energy multiplies , not divides. The Rush to Abandon One for the Other Here’s what often happens: Someone feels seen in a new way. Their soul lights up in this fresh connection. They suddenly feel alive , new , desired , understood . And they take that feeling to mean:   “This is real. That other relationship must be dead.” But this is a trap. What they’re often experiencing isn’t truer love — it’s novelty , reflection , an uncovered aspect of self that the new person evokes. And instead of integrating that part into their life and growing , they throw the old thing away to chase the new mirror. The tragedy? It...

You attend a hike. Everyone’s laughing, taking selfies, posting about how amazing the trail is. But somehow, you feel lonelier than ever. Not because you’re shy or antisocial—but because everything feels… transactional. You join a book club. You go to an event. You reply to an ad. The energy is promising, the first few conversations hopeful—but eventually, it becomes a performance. Everyone wants to seem interesting, deep, well-read. Few want to simply be known. We live in a society that talks about the loneliness epidemic—but rarely admits the role we play in it. In Nairobi and beyond, Kenyans are struggling to make real friendships. Not surface-level connections. Not social capital. Real, mutual, honest-to-God friendships. So what’s going on? We’ve Turned Friendship into a Transaction Let’s be honest: Many of us are looking for connections that “make sense.” We scan the room and instinctively filter people: Can they help me get a job? Are they well-connected? Do they look like someon...