One of the easiest things in the world is to mistake an outcome for a story. A beautiful home. A thriving business. A failed marriage. A child in an expensive school. A forty-year-old with no savings. Someone who seems to have it all. Someone who appears to have fallen behind. We see the destination and instinctively begin filling in the journey. Hardworking. Lazy. Disciplined. Irresponsible. Lucky. Entitled. Deserving. Wasteful. Perhaps the most dangerous thing about human beings is not that we judge one another. It is how quickly we become certain that our judgment is correct. Because every life has invisible expenses. Not just financial ones. The kind that never appear on a bank statement or a résumé. Some are chosen. Some are imposed. Some are wise. Some are costly mistakes. Most are a complicated mixture of both. One person reaches middle age with very little savings because they spent years paying school fees for younger siblings. Another because they repeatedly made poor financi...
We are living in an era where the loudest anthem is: "I’m doing me.” It’s on our timelines, in our music, in our conversations. We’re constantly told: “Do what makes you happy,” “Protect your peace,” “Cut them off,” “No one owes anyone anything,” and “I don’t give a damn what anyone thinks.” It sounds liberating — and in some ways, it is. For generations burdened by shame, tradition, and repression, choosing yourself can feel like rebellion, even survival.
But something else is happening. A creeping culture of emotional detachment, hyper-individualism, and social numbness is taking root. And while it’s easy to chant “IDGAF” as a form of empowerment, it’s much harder to see when this same ideology begins to fracture communities, normalize selfishness, and erode our shared humanity.
When Individualism Stops Being Empowering
We’ve long been taught to conform — to the family name, to religion, to the community’s expectations. So when the pendulum swung and people started reclaiming personal choice, it was necessary. But now, it seems the pendulum has swung too far.
Take Nairobi, for example — a city where people ghost each other without explanation, friendships are disposable, and romantic relationships are a roulette of mixed signals and soft betrayals. Everyone is protecting their energy, yes — but often at the expense of honesty, empathy, and accountability.
At work, we’re seeing employees who won’t show up on time but insist their ‘mental health day’ is sacred. In relationships, people disappear instead of facing discomfort. In activism, some want the recognition of being a voice for change — without the responsibility of doing the work.
We’ve glamorized detachment, and now we don’t know how to belong to each other anymore.
From Self-Care to Social Neglect
There’s a line between caring for yourself and abandoning responsibility. The idea that “I don’t owe anyone anything” might be true in abusive contexts — but in everyday relationships, we do owe each other decency, kindness, presence.
A matatu driver speeding recklessly while blasting drill music isn’t just expressing himself — he’s endangering lives.
A neighbor who plays loud music every weekend until 3 a.m. isn’t just having fun — they’re disregarding an entire building’s rest.
A friend who disappears every time things get hard isn’t protecting peace — they’re avoiding emotional maturity.
The truth is: freedom without responsibility becomes harm.
What Are We Losing?
We’re losing depth in our relationships. We no longer stay long enough to learn how to work through discomfort — we just swipe left, block, or mute.
We’re losing community. We’re more connected than ever online, but lonelier than ever in real life. Everyone is curating their life, but few are truly living it in relation to others.
We’re losing vision. Everything is about now, me, mine. But societies don’t thrive on momentary satisfaction. They thrive on shared purpose, sacrifice, and interdependence.
And we’re even losing the earth — because at a global level, this same mindset fuels overconsumption, climate apathy, and environmental collapse. Everyone wants what makes them happy. No one wants to talk about what sustains us all.
The Kenyan Lens
This ideology isn’t just Western. It’s here, in Kenya, shaping a generation. We see it in:
Influencer culture: Everyone is a brand. But when everyone is selling themselves, who is left to be real?
Dating apps: Instant gratification, minimal effort. Feelings are optional, accountability is rare.
Religious shifts: Many are leaving rigid doctrines — which is good — but few are building meaningful alternative value systems.
Work culture: Hustle has replaced purpose. People change jobs like outfits, not because they’re growing, but because they’re bored.
So What Now? Can We Find Balance?
We don’t have to swing back to repression. We don’t need to erase boundaries or glorify suffering. But we do need a new kind of ethos — one where personal freedom and social responsibility coexist.
Where we say:
“I care about my joy, and yours.”
“I will do what I love, but not at the cost of my community.”
“I deserve peace, but I will not ghost people who care about me.”
“I’m not here to be everything to everyone, but I will show up where it matters.”
Conclusion: Freedom and Belonging Must Walk Together
The mantra of “I don’t give a damn” may feel bold — but it’s not always brave. True courage is showing up, being accountable, being kind even when it’s inconvenient.
In a world that’s teaching us to disconnect, maybe the radical act is to care.
Maybe the next era is not about doing whatever we want — but about learning how to live well with others while doing what we love.
Because in the end, the self can only thrive when the whole is healthy.
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