When Words Are Missing: Why Vocabulary is Power in Kenya

"The limits of my language mean the limits of my world." — Ludwig Wittgenstein

In Kenya, we speak English and Kiswahili. Many of us have additional languages in our pockets — Sheng, mother tongues, workplace lingo, church expressions. But for all our speaking, many of us remain language-poor in the most crucial sense: we lack the words to describe our own lives.

We grow up learning to speak but not always to name. And when you cannot name something, you cannot confront it. You live it, but you cannot explain it—not to yourself, not to others. This is not just a linguistic failure. It is a social, emotional, and even political danger.

We do not lack opinions. We lack precision. We don’t lack feelings. We lack language to name them accurately. And when we don’t know the right word for what is happening, we misinterpret it, mislabel it, or worst of all — normalize it.

Why Having the Right Word Matters

Language is not just about grammar or vocabulary. It is about being seen and being able to see clearly. The right word can validate your pain, clarify your confusion, and ignite your resistance. Without it, we often misdiagnose ourselves and others. You call it stress when it's actually trauma. You say someone is just strict when they’re emotionally abusive. You say, "Huyo msichana anapenda wazee" (that girl likes older men) when she’s being groomed.

The inability to name is the inability to resist.

Common Scenarios in Kenya Where Words Fail Us

1. The Caretaker and the Groomer

A 10-year-old girl is dropped off at a neighbour’s home every weekend because her parents work extra shifts. The neighbour, a man in his late 40s, often comments, "You’re becoming a very beautiful young woman." He buys her gifts. He sometimes hugs her too long.

The child tells her mother, who laughs it off: "You’re just special. He cares for you like a daughter."

What is happening here is not care. It is grooming. But no one in that house knows the word. Without it, there is no way to flag danger. No way to explain to a teacher. No language to raise the alarm.

Correct Language: Grooming, boundary violation, inappropriate attention, predatory behavior.
Misused Language: Caring, father figure, mentorship.

2. The Girl Who Won’t Keep Quiet

A young woman speaks up at work after a colleague repeatedly makes inappropriate jokes. HR tells her to be "less sensitive." Her peers call her dramatic. One says, "Why are you always angry?"

What is happening here is microaggression, hostile work environment, and possibly sexual harassment.

But none of those words are offered to her. She begins to wonder if she’s the problem.

Correct Language: Microaggressions, hostile work culture, toxic masculinity, emotional safety.
Misused Language: Overreacting, moody, sensitive.

3. The Man Who Never Speaks

A 42-year-old boda boda rider has just buried his third child. He’s quiet. Withdrawn. He goes to work but doesn’t talk anymore. People say, "He is just tired."

What he is experiencing is grief. Possibly depression. But because the community only has language for physical pain, not emotional pain, he is left to suffer silently.

Correct Language: Grief, emotional shutdown, trauma, depression.
Misused Language: Laziness, weakness, fatigue.

4. The Househelp Who “Overstepped"

A domestic worker calls out her employer for underpaying her, locking up food, and screaming at her in front of visitors. The employer says she’s "become proud." The neighbours whisper that she is ungrateful.

The househelp is not proud. She is asserting her boundaries. She is demanding dignity. But because we lack language for power dynamics and employer abuse, she is seen as insolent.

Correct Language: Boundaries, labour rights, emotional abuse, exploitation.
Misused Language: Pride, disrespect, disobedience.

5. The "Toxic" Girlfriend

A man tells his friends he had to leave his girlfriend because she was a "narcissist," always "gaslighting" him. They nod in agreement.

Upon closer inspection, she simply asked him to be consistent with his communication and to stop flirting with other women. The man had no vocabulary for accountability, so he picked up popular psychological terms to mask his unwillingness to grow.

Correct Language: Accountability, communication boundaries, emotional maturity.
Misused Language: Gaslighting, narcissism, toxic.

6. The Poor and the Entitled

A group of youth living in informal settlements throw trash on the road, vandalize public property, and say, "The government doesn’t care about us."

They are not wrong about inequality. But they have been taught that poverty is a license for irresponsibility.

Without words like civic duty, environmental stewardship, or self-discipline, poverty becomes a free pass to opt out of shared responsibility.

Correct Language: Structural inequality, social justice, personal responsibility, dignity.
Misused Language: Hustler mentality, victim of the system, the poor always suffer.

The Cost of Not Having the Right Words

• You normalize dysfunction. If you can’t name it, you assume it’s just life.

• You misplace blame. Victims blame themselves. Communities shame the wrong people.

• You stay stuck. Without clarity, you can’t fix what’s broken.

• You silence others. If you don't have the words, you can't teach them to your children or community.

When Words Are Misused: Narcissists, Gaslighting & "My Truth"

The internet gave us vocabulary — but it also made many people lazy with it.

• Not everyone who hurts your feelings is a narcissist.

• Disagreeing with someone is not always gaslighting.

• “Speaking your truth” is not an excuse to be disrespectful or factually wrong.

This misuse cheapens real experiences. It makes it harder for people with actual trauma to be heard. In Kenya, where we already have a limited emotional vocabulary, these trendy overused terms can derail real learning.

Misuse becomes a new form of ignorance. A fashionable, confident ignorance that sounds smart — but isn't.

Consequences of Missing or Misusing Language

When we lack accurate vocabulary or weaponize words, several things happen:

• We cannot hold people accountable.
  You can’t fight what you can’t name.

• We stay trapped in cycles.
  Without the words, we keep repeating patterns that hurt us.

• We silence those who need clarity.
  When everything is "gaslighting," we stop asking what really happened.

Why This Matters

When we cannot name what is happening to us, we stay trapped. When we misuse words, we trivialize real pain. When we inflate language (everyone is toxic, everything is trauma), we reduce its power.

So What Do We Do? Building a Language of Clarity

• Read widely. Look up every new word you hear. Start by reading and listening—books, podcasts, articles that give you the vocabulary to describe what you’re living.

• Learn context. Know when and how to use terms. Learn emotional, social, and civic vocabulary. Not just English or Kiswahili, but life-literacy.

• Teach vocabulary to others. Especially the young. Teach your children the right words. If they know what manipulation, boundaries, trauma, or civic responsibility mean, they stand a better chance.

• Be corrected. Don’t cling to misused phrases for pride.

• Be curious before you speak. Ask: Do I really know what this word means?

• Stop using words to win arguments. Use them to understand experiences.

• Normalize correction. If someone tells you you’re using a term wrongly — listen.

• Build family and community vocabularies. Discuss new words together.

Life-Literacy: What It Is and Why It Matters

Life-literacy is not taught in schools. It is the ongoing acquisition of the words, concepts, and mental models that help us understand how life works: relationships, power, boundaries, trauma, dignity, manipulation, growth, loss, identity.

In Kenya, many people can read and write — but are not life-literate. They can name things but can’t explain them. They can describe events but not patterns. Life happens to them, and because they lack the words to describe it, they are left feeling confused, ashamed, or reactive.

Without life-literacy, a toxic relationship feels like “bad luck.”
Without life-literacy, exploitation feels like “help.”
Without life-literacy, you can’t advocate for yourself.
Without words, you have no map.

How do you acquire life-literacy?

• Read outside your usual circles. Memoirs, essays, and global nonfiction.

• Ask questions beyond your experience. Why do people stay in bad jobs? What does it mean to have emotional intelligence?

• Talk to people who’ve lived longer and differently.

• Follow your discomfort. The words that upset you might be the ones you need.

"Until the lion learns to write, every story will glorify the hunter." — African Proverb

To write our own stories — and rewrite our futures — we must first find the right words. Vocabulary is not for showing off. It is for surviving, understanding, healing, and thriving.

Kenyans must learn to name their pain, articulate their needs, and describe their realities with depth and accuracy. Words are not just for the classroom. They are tools for living.

Let us teach each other the language of clarity.