“Alinitoa kwa shimo.”
“Without her, I’d still be unemployed.”
“He gave me a chance when no one else would.”
These are the silent contracts many Kenyan employees sign — not with ink, but with emotion. Loyalty. Guilt. A debt of gratitude that never expires.
It starts innocently. You join a small business or NGO. Maybe the pay is modest, but the opportunity feels heaven-sent. The founder seems visionary, kind even. They say, “We’re like family here.” And you believe them.
You stay late. You sacrifice weekends. You take on roles that aren’t yours — because how can you not help? After all, they gave you a chance. You want to be part of the story. The vision. The mission. So you give your time. Your peace. Your boundaries.
But slowly, something shifts.
You notice raises are rare. Promotions are vague. Financial discussions are avoided or deflected. You realize that while you’ve tied your loyalty to the person who “gave you a chance,” they’ve tied their loyalty to the profit margin. And in this emotional contract you never negotiated, only one side is winning.
How Emotional Contracts Are Formed
We rarely notice when we’re signing them. It happens in subtle, layered ways:
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A boss “saving” you from a long job hunt or difficult financial season.
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Being told you're “lucky” to have the job.
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Early flattery about your potential or loyalty.
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Language like “this is our baby,” “we’re building this together,” or “someday you’ll thank me.”
These words feel warm. But they often serve a deeper purpose: to bind your emotional loyalty to a job that isn’t structurally built to reward your effort.
Red Flags: How to Know You’re in an Emotional Contract
Not every job with a good story is exploitative — but when the following patterns appear, take note:
🚩 Praise Without Paperwork
You’re constantly told how “valuable” you are — but never see that value reflected in your contract, job title, or pay slip.
🚩 Delayed Promises
The classic “we’ll review your salary next quarter”... that turns into next year... that turns into never.
🚩 Guilt-Laced Gratitude
You feel bad asking for more — as though it’s disloyal to want to grow.
🚩 "We’re Family" Culture
You’re told you’re not “just an employee,” yet when you ask for structural change, you’re reminded that “this is still a business.”
🚩 Inconsistent Boundaries
Your role keeps expanding, yet expectations are vague and always shifting. You're asked to “be flexible,” even when your life can't be.
🚩 Gaslighting Around Money
Questions about salary are met with discomfort, defensiveness, or lectures on sacrifice.
🚩 Founder Worship
Everything revolves around one person’s dream. Everyone else is just a supporting actor.
Why Emotional Contracts Are Bad for You
They sound noble — but they eat away at your future.
1. They Trap You in Scarcity Thinking
You begin to believe this opportunity is your last best hope. That “times are hard” and you should be grateful to be employed at all.
2. They Devalue Your Skills
Instead of building a career around your strengths, you become the “helper who does everything.” Jack of all trades. Master of none.
3. They Stall Your Financial Growth
Because emotional loyalty is often used to suppress rightful financial conversations. You might be earning half of what you're worth — and afraid to ask for more.
4. They Lead to Burnout and Resentment
The longer you give beyond your contract, the more invisible you begin to feel. Until one day, even praise sounds like manipulation.
5. They Keep You from Better Opportunities
You turn down better roles — or stop looking entirely — because leaving feels like betrayal.
A Kenyan Example: The Small Business Trap
Let’s say you’re hired as an admin assistant in a fast-growing Nairobi fashion label. The founder is young, charismatic, always dreaming big. You’re told:
"We’re going to take this brand global — and you’ll grow with us."
So you help with customer care, deliveries, content creation, sometimes even design feedback. You’re now doing 5 jobs for one salary.
When you ask for a raise?
"You know things are tight. But we see you. We value you."
Meanwhile, you see influencers wearing your ideas. The business expands, the founder buys a new car. And you’re still earning KES 25,000.
What started as excitement has turned into quiet resentment. But you feel stuck. They gave you a chance, right?
Why Employers Use Emotional Contracts
To be fair, not all bosses are malicious. Some truly believe they’re helping. But others use emotional language to:
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Avoid paying fair salaries
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Keep staff turnover low without raising costs
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Avoid formal HR structures that would make roles clear and compensable
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Blur the line between “helping you” and “using you”
This dynamic is especially common in small businesses, NGOs, church-led organizations, and family businesses — where formal systems are weak, and personal relationships dominate.
How to Know You're in an Emotional Contract
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You feel guilty asking for a raise or clarity on growth.
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You’re praised constantly, but nothing changes on paper.
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Your role keeps expanding — but your salary doesn’t.
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Financial issues are always “delicate topics.”
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You stay more from guilt than vision.
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You’ve been in the same position, with no formal review, for 3+ years.
What to Do If You’re In One
1. Do an Honest Role Audit
What are your actual responsibilities now vs what you were hired for? If you’re doing more — write it down. Categorize it. Document it.
2. Schedule a Growth Conversation
Not an emotional confrontation. A calm, structured conversation with your boss that includes:
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What you do now
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What you’ve contributed
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What you’d like in return (growth plan, raise, clarity)
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A proposed timeline for change
3. Watch Their Response Closely
Do they affirm your value with structure or just vague praise? Do they give you timelines — or stories? This will tell you everything.
4. Build an Exit Strategy (If Needed)
If emotional tools are used to dismiss your concerns — start preparing your exit. Quietly. Professionally. You don’t need to explain your dreams. Just go after them.
What If You’re Scared to Leave?
That’s valid. Kenya’s job market is tough. But remember: fear is not a strategy. Start small:
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Rework your CV
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Apply quietly
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Learn a new skill
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Explore better-paying roles — even in other sectors
Sometimes the fear of starting over is the exact tool that employers count on to keep you stuck.
The Bottom Line
Gratitude should never cost you growth. Kindness is not compensation. And loyalty is only meaningful when it’s mutual.
If the only thing keeping you in a job is an old favor or a charismatic founder, it might be time to rewrite the contract — or walk away from it altogether.
The person who gave you a job is not your savior. And loyalty should never mean self-abandonment.
You are allowed to grow. To ask. To leave.
You are allowed to build your own dream — even if it means stepping away from someone else’s.
Because you were never meant to build someone else’s dream at the expense of your own.
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