Skip to main content

What is Emotional Labor? (And Why You’ve Probably Been Doing It for Free)

Emotional labor is that extra effort you put into controlling your emotions, managing other people’s feelings, and keeping the peace at work—even when you’re burning inside. It’s the customer care rep smiling through insults, the waitress pretending not to hear inappropriate comments, the bank teller calming an irate client, and the teacher playing therapist to students while being underpaid. It’s not in the job description, but somehow, you’re expected to deliver it—free of charge.

And the worst part? If you don’t, you’re suddenly “unprofessional,” “not a team player,” or “lacking customer service skills.”

Where It’s Most Common (And Who Suffers the Most)

1. Customer Service & Hospitality

If you’ve worked in customer service, you already know the deal. You’ll be insulted, belittled, and made to feel like a punching bag for problems you didn’t cause. But instead of defending yourself, you’re expected to apologize, smile, and say, “I completely understand your frustration, sir.”

Who suffers?

  • Call center agents dealing with weka kwa hold customers who shout instead of explaining their issue.

  • Hotel staff putting up with rude guests who assume “customer is king” means treating workers like peasants.

  • Supermarket cashiers dealing with angry Nairobians who blame them for price increases.

Why it’s harmful: Because it turns humans into emotional shock absorbers, leading to stress, burnout, and even depression.

2. Education: Teachers Turned Counselors

Teachers in Kenya don’t just teach; they’re therapists, social workers, and second parents. They manage students' emotions, listen to personal problems, and handle the frustration of parents who offload their responsibilities onto the school system.

Who suffers?

  • Nursery school teachers dealing with toddlers’ tantrums and entitled parents who expect miracles.

  • High school teachers playing mediator when Form 3 boys fight over a girlfriend.

  • University lecturers giving life advice to students who are lost, broke, and overwhelmed.

Why it’s harmful: Because emotional labor is unpaid, yet it takes a heavy mental toll. A teacher’s job shouldn’t include absorbing every student’s emotional baggage without support.

3. Healthcare Workers: The Emotional Dumping Ground

Doctors, nurses, and clinical officers in Kenya don’t just treat illnesses; they absorb fear, grief, and frustration. Patients lash out at them when medicine runs out, when NHIF fails, or when a loved one doesn’t make it.

Who suffers?

  • Nurses comforting grieving families while running on empty themselves.

  • Doctors forced to “be kind” even when patients insult them over long wait times.

  • Pharmacists dealing with customers who think Panadol can cure everything.

Why it’s harmful: Because emotional exhaustion leads to mistakes, and in healthcare, mistakes can be fatal.

4. Domestic Workers: The Unseen Therapists

If you have a house help, she’s probably your family’s unofficial therapist. She listens to your problems, comforts your kids, and keeps your household emotionally stable. But how many people return that kindness?

Who suffers?

  • Nannies comforting kids while getting yelled at by their employers.

  • House helps absorbing marital tensions in homes where the couple barely speaks.

  • Gardeners listening to family drama while trimming the hedge.

Why it’s harmful: Because they’re not just underpaid, they’re emotionally overworked, yet no one considers their wellbeing.

5. Corporate Kenya: The “Work Family” Scam

Your boss wants you to be “part of the family,” but only when it benefits them. You’re expected to stay late, do emotional gymnastics to keep your boss happy, and pretend to be okay even when you’re drowning in stress.

Who suffers?

  • Employees forced to laugh at the boss’s bad jokes to keep their jobs.

  • Women who have to “soften their tone” or be labeled aggressive.

  • Junior staff absorbing their managers’ stress while getting zero credit for their work.

Why it’s harmful: Because “work family” is a scam. It demands loyalty but offers none in return.

Employers, Stop Demanding Emotional Labor for Free

Kenyan employers, listen up: It’s not your employees’ job to be your unpaid therapists. If you want a positive work culture, PAY FOR IT. Offer mental health support, set realistic expectations, and stop treating kindness as a given. Emotional labor is still labor.

Employees, Stop Giving It Away Like Free Samples

If you’re working a job where emotional labor is expected but never acknowledged, set boundaries. You’re not a robot. You don’t have to absorb insults, stay late for unpaid pep talks, or pretend to be okay when you’re not. Your peace of mind is more valuable than fake professionalism.

Customers, Stop Mistaking Service for Servitude

  • Just because someone serves you doesn’t mean they’re beneath you.

  • If you’ve had a bad day, don’t take it out on a stranger.

  • Tip. Say thank you. Be human.

The Takeaway: Emotional Labor is Real Labor

If a job requires emotional energy, it should be acknowledged, respected, and compensated. It’s time we stop treating kindness as an unpaid skill and start valuing the people who hold society together—emotionally and otherwise.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Know Thyself: The Quiet Power of Naming Your Nature

“Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.” — Carl Jung We live in a culture that equates good intentions with goodness, and ambition with ability. But very few people in Kenya—or anywhere—truly know what they are made of. We can name our qualifications and our dreams. But ask someone their vices or virtues, and they hesitate. Worse, they lie. The Danger of Self-Unawareness In Kenya today, many of us are wandering through life making choices—big, small, and irreversible—without truly understanding who we are. We end up in jobs we despise, relationships we shouldn’t be in, or positions of influence we aren’t emotionally or ethically equipped for. And at the root of this dysfunction is a simple truth: we don’t know ourselves. This is not a spiritual or abstract dilemma. It’s a deeply practical one. To know oneself is to understand your vices, your virtues, your weaknesses, and your strengths—not in a vague sense, but in detail. Let’s ge...

The Great Kenyan Home Ownership Madness: Dreams vs. Reality

Owning a home is a big dream for many Kenyans, but somewhere along the way, practicality has been thrown out the window. Too many people, driven by childhood aspirations or societal expectations, are constructing massive houses only to end up living like misers within them. Let’s break down why this trend makes little sense and what smarter, more sustainable homeownership looks like. The Harsh Reality of Owning a Big House in Kenya Many Kenyans, especially those who grew up in humble backgrounds, grew up being told to “dream big.” Unfortunately, this has translated into building unnecessarily large houses, often with rooms that remain unused, multiple verandahs gathering dust, and massive balconies that no one actually sits on. These houses cost millions to build, yet within a few years, the owners are struggling to maintain them, regretting their choices as they pour more money into renovations. If you need proof, just look at how many old houses in Nairobi remain unsold. No one wants...

Entrepreneurship Myth In Kenya

Have you ever walked through different parts of Kenya and wondered how some of these tiny, almost hidden businesses survive? You pass by a cramped shop selling second-hand clothes, plastic buckets, hangers, and random jewelry. You pause for a second and ask yourself—who is actually buying all this? How is this business making money? Is it money laundering, or are these genuine businesses barely getting by in ways we don’t understand? I ask myself these same questions all the time. Earlier this year, I got an inside look. I was part of a project that involved collecting data on small businesses across Kenya—kiosks, market stalls, tailors, salons, fruit vendors, milk sellers, repair shops, cybers… all the businesses that make up the backbone of our economy. What I found was both eye-opening and brutally honest. The Reality Behind the Business Dream We love to romanticize entrepreneurship. Motivational speakers will tell you that employment is slavery and that starting your own business i...