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12 Lies Kenyans Tell Each Other About Adulting (And The Painful Truths)

"Life ni kujipanga." That’s what they told us. That if you just plan well, work hard, and stay disciplined, everything will fall into place. But here you are—fully grown, fully stressed, and realizing that no amount of ‘kujipanga’ prepares you for the rent that ambushes you like an exam you forgot about. Turns out, adulting is a never-ending group project where everyone is faking it, and the biggest scam? The lies we tell ourselves to keep going. Let’s break them down, one painful truth at a time.

"Once you finish school, life will be smooth!"

  • Reality: You will apply for 100 jobs, get ghosted by 95, get 3 interviews where they ask for 10 years of experience for an entry-level role, and the other 2 will pay you exposure and lunch. Smooth, indeed.

"If you work hard, you will succeed."

  • Reality: If you work hard and know the right people, and have luck, and don’t fall sick, and are willing to fight tooth and nail, maybe you will succeed. Otherwise, some guy who went to school with the CEO’s son will walk in and take your dream job while you're still typing your cover letter.

"Just start a biashara, be your own boss!"

  • Reality: Have you seen how brutal biashara is in Kenya? Rent is high, customers want credit, suppliers hike prices daily, and when you finally start making profits, the government appears with 20 different taxes. Your biashara might just turn into a very expensive hobby.

"Marriage will stabilize your life."

  • Reality: Marriage might just destabilize your wallet. Weddings alone can leave you in debt for 5 years, and you will soon realize that you married someone whose biggest concern is whether there’s enough milk for tea, while you’re worrying about rent, school fees, and the meaning of life.

"If you save consistently, you will be rich."

  • Reality: Saving is great, but let’s be real—KES 5,000 a month won’t turn you into a billionaire. Also, inflation is out here reducing your savings to bus fare. Wealth isn’t just about saving, it’s about making more money, but no one tells you how to do that.

"Just invest in real estate."

  • Reality: The same people telling you this own 10 plots they can’t sell because the land rates are insane and there’s no development in sight. Plus, when will you afford land when you’re still battling landlords for deposit refunds?

"Find a government job, they pay well and you’ll be sorted for life."

  • Reality: You’ll wait 3 years for your first salary, the office printer hasn’t worked since 2010, and the only thing you’ll be sorted with is a lifetime of committee contributions for your colleagues’ fundraisers.

"Side hustle will save you."

  • Reality: Your employer still expects you in the office from 6 AM to 9 PM, your customers don’t want to pay full price, and your supplier just hiked the cost of raw materials. Side hustles are just second jobs that don’t come with benefits.

"Moving out of your parents’ house is freedom!"

  • Reality: Freedom to pay rent, freedom to cook all your meals, freedom to pay for WiFi, electricity, water, and freedom to call your mom asking for ‘a small boost’ before the 30th.

"Having kids is a blessing!"

  •  Reality: Yes, kids are a blessing. But they are also walking, talking, crying, money-draining blessings who need school fees, clothes, food, medical care, and entertainment. And they will ask you for a phone before they turn 10.

"Working abroad is the dream."

  • Reality: Working 16-hour shifts, eating microwaved food, missing all Kenyan holidays, and realizing that the only place you can afford to live is in a bedsitter with a roommate named Steve from Bangladesh. Oh, and sending money home every month like you’re Central Bank.

"You’ll figure it out eventually."

  • Reality: Adulting is just one long freestyle session. No one really figures it out. We’re all just pretending and hoping for the best.

Moral of the Story: Adulting is a scam, but since we’re all stuck in it, we might as well laugh about it. Work hard, be smart, make good friends, and don’t fall for these lies—except for the last one. Because the truth is, you will figure something out. Somehow.

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